Bachelor Arie Races for Love

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Arie Luyendyk started his engine and accelerated from the starting line as The Bachelor this season.  Full disclosure:  as Arie is a Formula 1 driver, lots of racing terms will be bandied about here.  Arie almost got Emily Maynard’s Final Rose five years ago.  But even with all of his smooching he still fell short to One-F Jef—Emily and Jef didn’t make it too long as a couple.

 

Undaunted, Arie is back and in the driver’s seat (see how easy these references are?), with nearly 30 women vying for his heart.  As we did last summer with Rachel Lindsay (who, by the way, made my list of 2017’s best heroes), we’ll be analyzing each episode of Arie’s race for love.

 

 

By the end of the first Rose Ceremony, Arie had narrowed the field from 29 down to 21 contestants.  First came the limo exits and introductions, cocktail party, scores of one-on-one conversations (and about as many awkward interruptions), and the fabled First Impression Rose.

 

Some noteworthy developments:

  • Every season of this show needs a villain, and that role seems to be going to Chelsea the Dominator.  She wasted nary a second grabbing Arie for some alone time right out of the gate.  Then she further irked the other women by going back for seconds.  All of that domination got her the First Impression Rose.  She kind of has the wacky eyes and seems more intent on landing a relationship than getting closer to Arie.  
  • This cast leads the league in Laurens.  No fewer than 4 of the 29 women are named Lauren.  Arie did send one of the home, but still, that’s a 1 in 7 chance that he’ll be proposing to a Lauren!  The strongest contender of this group seems to be Lauren S., and not just because she is a Harry Potter fan (but henceforth we’ll be referring to her as Lauren the Potterhead).
  • Keep an eye out for Bekah the Nanny.  She made quite an entrance, eschewing the limo for a ’65 hot red Mustang.  She has great energy and seems to call it likes she sees it.  If she makes it far, but not all the way, she might make for a good Bachelorette.




Here are some of the categories we’ll be using to analyze upcoming episodes (cue the racing terms):

 

Rumblestrip—

When a driver hits curves too dangerously they are warned by the vibration caused by the tires rolling over this.  We’ll use the term for any situations that seem sketchy, but not severe enough to warrant a…

 

Drive-through Penalty—

Do something wrong on the track and you could be penalized by a trip through the pit lane.  Do something wrong on the show and get called out here.

 

Blistering—

When tires overheat, bad things happen to the car and driver.  Don’t want to come on too strong (and that goes for you too, Arie!).

 

Reconnaissance Lap—

Drivers take these to get a feel for the race course.  This category will capture observations on how well Arie and the women are getting to know each other.

 

Pole Position—

The lead driver at the starting line is at pole position.  For us, this will be a commentary on the frontrunner(s).

 

Backmarker—

This is the term for a driver at the end of the field, often about to be lapped.  As in racing, you do not want to be a Backmarker on the Bachelor.  Time to step up your game!

 

Checkered Flag—

No explanation needed!

 

 

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