At the outset of this week’s episode of The Bachelor, host Chris Harrison addressed the remaining women vying for Bachelor Arie’s heart. After stating the obvious—that it will “only get harder” from here—he dramatically teased them that they will be leaving the L.A. mansion on a journey for love that will take them around the world! So they needed to pack their bags and head to…Lake Tahoe.
Okaaayyy. Nice place, but not exactly around the world.
But that’s alright because next week the rose-winners are off to…Ft. Lauderdale. Has this show’s travel budget been slashed? Are the producers concerned about international travel, given geopolitical instability?
As of the season premiere it sure looked like someone named Lauren would get the Final Rose. Now the odds favor basically anyone who works in real estate. What gives? Has there been an uptick of entries in that profession given the ascension of a certain real estate mogul to the White House? The tech industry is well-represented in the cast, which probably makes sense given the millennial nature of this group of women (more on that in a bit).
And now for a rundown of our categories:
Hormones flowed and pheromones flew as The Bachelor Arie further solidified his Kissing Bandit persona. He had make-out sessions with several women, including Kendall the Taxidermist, Tia the Razorback, and, as usual, Bekah the Nanny. Notable was the fact that Krystal the Yogi didn’t get much smooching action. Hmmm… I wonder why…
Krystal has gone from self-proclaimed front-runner to narcissistic martyr to manipulative villain. Drive for the hills, Arie!
From the opening moments of this week’s episode she was throwing shade, some of it with maddening circular logic (Why are the other women less suited for him than her? Because he is a man who knows what he wants.) On the survivalist/navigation/jacuzzi group date, she was a nightmare, sulking about not getting enough attention from Arie and complaining when other women had the audacity to try to have fun with him (The desperation! The immaturity!).
It seems like every season at least one contestant comports herself/himself as if they have never watched the show before. Griping about how you have to fight for attention and watch others develop their relationships is like bemoaning the fact that water is wet. This the deal, Krystal. Get on board or get out of Dodge.
Krystal has a big heart. We know that from her relationship with her brother and what she does to support homeless individuals. But she is annoyingly arrogant.
She talks up her strong “connection” with Arie ad nauseum. She boldly predicted that whatever she ended up saying to him during their alone time would be “perfect.” She actually said, on camera, “I come across as flawless.”
And it’s all delivered in that whiney voice that she suppresses to a whisper when she really wants to dig her claws into Arie’s heart.
The hilarious post-credit interchange between Chelsea the Dominator and Marikh the Restaurateur deserves a place in Bachelor history. Marikh had heard that Chelsea made fun of her in front of Arie about using her compass as a mirror during the survivalist/navigation/jacuzzi group date. Chelsea clarified that what she really joked about was how Marikh (who does seem to enjoy her own looks) combed her hair while her team was trying to steer itself out of a snowstorm to the warm confines of the backwoods spa.
Marikh then accused Chelsea of “glam-shaming” and threw that term into the same bucket as body-shaming and slut-shaming. Chelsea rightly questioned whether “glam-shaming” was really a thing and complained about “f#&@ing millennials these days,” admitting that she, too, is a millennial.
She closed by stating that she’s a former model and, “For the record, I am, and always have been, pro-glam.”
The most significant revelation of the episode was Bekah the Nanny finally disclosing to Arie that she is 22 years old. Our 36-year-old bachelor was dumbfounded. He knew she was younger, but not that much younger. Never mind that she seems more grounded and confident than many of the other women who have a few years on her.
Arie ended up giving Bekah the one-on-one date rose, but her age could be a major wedge in their relationship. He said “young,” “ready,” and “I’m worried,” so many times that a game of word bingo could have been played (or a really brutal drinking game).
With Bekah’s age now out in the open, Seinne the Scholar moves up the board. She and Arie had a great one-on-one date. He is attracted to her intelligence, education, confidence, and beauty. Another strong contender is Lauren the Black Belt.
Unless she really puts the pedal to the metal, Jacqueline the Researcher’s days are numbered.