Bachelorette Breakdown: Week 5


Just over the horizon, Rachel Lindsay can now see the finish line of her season and, of course, the Final Rose.  Each week she has steadily and assuredly narrowed the field of suitors, and this week was no exception.  This week’s two-episode line-up took us from Hilton Head to Norway to Denmark with Rachel and the men.

Throughout the season, Melissa Miller and I have been analyzing each episode with a particular eye on some key categories.  Here’s a breakdown of the two episodes from this week and who was awarded each superlative:

The clear winner is the building showdown between Kenny the Wrestler and Lee the Crooner. Even Peter the Ironman commented that “Lee and Kenny is like a time bomb.”  Lee has acknowledged on-camera that he is “here to mess with everybody” and Kenny has been his biggest target. 

The 1st round of the showdown took place in Hilton Head on the porch during the cocktail party and Round 2 was the post-party jawing between them.  Personally, I would like to see far less use of the word “bitch” by the guys this season.  I’m okay with “snake.” But “bitch?” Not so much. Round 3 of the name-calling showdown occurred during their 2-on-1 date with Rachel in Norway.  After Rachel dumped Lee, Kenny inexplicably walked back to tell Lee off one more time.  Why Rachel didn’t take off in the helicopter, leaving both guys in the wilderness to duke it out, is a fair question.

This week’s LOL Moment: Naked, Danish hot tubbers.  Avert the eyes!

Everyone could see from a mile away that Rachel was going to dump Jack the Grinner on their one-on-one.  Everyone, that is, except Jack.  On paper, they seemed like a good match– same age, profession, city.  He was so sure of their relationship that he declared, “We mesh.”  Hard to say what was creepier: his chin-down leer or his telling her that if they were a couple he would “lock the door” and talk to her in bed (ugh).  He was so blindsided by not getting a rose that he was, literally, speechless (as in, zero drive-away testimonial).


The guys continue to rock the scarf action.  But this category goes to the team handball leotards, with a shout-out to Dean the Smile’s inside-out sporting of the athletic supporter.


Josiah the Talker took his narcissism to new heights (depths?) with his incessant exploration of all things Josiah after the team handball game.  Then, in the lead up to the Oslo Rose Ceremony, he asserted, “If she doesn’t give me a rose there’s something wrong with her brain.” Well, she didn’t give him a rose, but her brain is certainly not the problem.

Eric the Trainer opened up about his relationship with his mother and how it has affected the search for love. But Bryan the Chiropractor continues to up his game and Rachel is swooning.  Their rappelling off the ski jump in Oslo was a bonding moment.  His romantic nature and maturity are pluses.  One big minus is his heavy tongue kissing.  Could we please get some pixelation here?


In many ways, this was merely a solid week for Rachel.  But she gets props for how she ultimately handled the Kenny vs. Lee fiasco.  So she earned a 4 *drop the mic* out of 5.


Want more of our breakdown of The Bachelorette?  Check out last week’s recap here.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here