‘The Bachelor’ Recap : Ding Dong, Krystal’s Gone


Each week, our team of mental health experts breaks down the week’s episode of ABC’s hit, ‘The Bachelor.’  Whether we’re remarking on the mental health of the contestants, or the corny moments we can’t unsee, we catch you up with all the tea spilled on Arie Luyendyk Jr.’s season. 


This season of the Bachelor does not disappoint.  So much happened in last night’s episode.  The show finally took the girls out of the U.S. to Paris.  Based on how stingy the show has been, I thought their next stop would be Trenton, New Jersey.  It’s about time since half of the contestants clearly joined for the free world traveland the other half for the free publicity for their modeling careers…I mean… love.


Everyone joins for love. 


Obviously, the biggest event of this episode was evil Krystal the Yogi getting the boot! Krystal and Kendall the Taxidermist went on a two-on-one date, where the producers excelled at making the viewers feel like Kendall didn’t have a shot in hell.  Then after Krystal said a lot of random words that made nonsensical sentences, Bachelor Arie astonished everyone by sending her home. Arie’s ability to see through Krystal’s B.S was impressive.   


The most shocking part of the episode was at the end when Chelsea the Dominator did not receive a rose! No one saw this coming.




The most cringe-worthy moments continue to be when Arie makes out with anyone on the show.  


He generally uses way too much tongue and he goes for it while the girl is in mid-sentence bearing her soul.  A great example was on Jacqueline the researchers one-on-one date; she was tearing up because she thought she wasn’t going to get a rose when, out of nowhere, Arie jammed his tongue in her head hole.  As pre-teen Jimmy Fallon would say “Ew!”





Drive-through Penalty

Did anyone notice Lauren B’s weird moment at the end of the episode?  Arie announced they were going to Tuscany and Lauren B’s blank face made it seem she didn’t understand what the word Tuscany meant. Then afterward while the other girls celebrated receiving their roses the camera panned to Lauren B. saying that she was scared of Arie picking someone else.  

She does know what she signed up for right? Now that Krystal is off the show it seems the producers are going to have to scrounge up drama where they can get it. 




Krystal attempted to hammer the final nail in Kendall’s coffin on the two-on-one date by telling Arie that Kendall wasn’t ready for marriage. 


Later, Kendall confronted Krystal which was reality TV gold. Kendall decided to show Krystal compassion instead of yelling at her which made Krystal’s brain meltdown.  Krystal just silently sat there with that stupid fake half-smile as she tried to compute what was being said.  I don’t think anyone has ever tried to be nice to Krystal after she has attempted to royally screw them over and you could see Krystal had no idea how to handle it.  


But alas, we all must say au revoir to crazy Krystal.



Reconnaissance Lap

Arie picked up Jacqueline for their one-on-one and three seconds into the drive the car died.  Arie tried to revive it—because he is a race-car driver everyone…as if the show would let us forget—and they ended up riding in taxis around Paris.  I think it’s clear to everyone that Jaqueline is far too good for Arie and even he knows it.  On their date, she asked why he was hesitant up to this point to build a relationship with her and he said because she is “smart;” that is a direct quote.  He then clarified that he knew she was smarter than him which intimidated him and he was worried about holding her back—excellent work digging yourself out of that misogynistic hole Arie.  


In the end, Arie gave her a rose.


Pole Position

It seems that Bekah the Nanny and  Tia the Razorback have the strongest connections with Arie at this point.  It’s unclear how Becca the Publicist and Kendall the Taxidermist are doing in comparison.  With Chelsea getting kicked off this episode it’s so hard to tell who the frontrunner truly is.


For last week’s breakdown of ‘The Bachelor,’ click here.



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